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Prepare for Your Marriage, Not Just the Wedding
By Susanne
M. Alexander
With literally hundreds of details to remember
in preparing for a wedding, you might forget
a very important step: marriage preparation,
a research-proven step that contributes to
lasting marriages. When we are madly in love
and dreaming of special dresses and wedding
music, it can be easy to think that marriage
will be a perpetual honeymoon, filled with
constant happy moments, romantic days and
nights, and light-hearted fun. Actually, your
marriage can be great and filled with joyful
times…with some preparation, key skills,
and realistic expectations. Marriage education
and preparation workshops, counseling, and
books can be a great pre-marriage present
from your family too!
Here are some options to consider:
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Engage in great in-depth
discussions, using books that provide questions
for couples to ask one another; such as,
“365 Questions for Couples,”
“The Hard Questions,” or “Marriage
Can Be Forever—Preparation Counts!”
These kinds of discussions strengthen your
friendship and ensure you’re compatible.
Important keys areas to discuss thoroughly
before marriage include money, children,
religion, family relationships, and more.
If you’re having difficulty with the
discussions, you might consider asking a
married couple to mentor you and assist
you with the process.
-
Know the character strengths
that are important to you in a partner,
and ensure your partner has them, so you
are confident your marriage will be on a
firm foundation. Character qualities that
are vital in marriage include truthfulness,
trustworthiness, faithfulness, and more.
For more information on this topic, see
“Pure Gold: Encouraging Character
Qualities in Marriage (Second Edition),”
published by Marriage
Transformation LLC (ISBN: 0-9726893-5-4)
-
Assess your relationship/couple
strengths and growth areas with the assistance
of a trained counselor so you know what
skills you may need to continue developing
as a couple. Websites, such as www.lifeinnovations.com
or www.foccusinc.com,
can direct you to research-based, professional
services.
-
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Assess the activities you
do together leading up to the wedding and
choose to participate in ones that will
strengthen your friendship and assist you
to know one another well. Great choices
include performing community service, spending
time with friends and family members, practicing
spiritual activities, or working on a project
together.
-
Develop a list together
of your shared commitments for your marriage.
You can include whatever practices are most
important to you in sustaining your marriage,
such as weekly dates, praying with one another,
enjoying time with children, continuing
your education, treating one another with
courtesy and love, deciding how you will
settle disagreements, and so on.
-
Prepare a list of your assets
and debts, and create a post-wedding budget
for your lives together. Agree on how you
will handle your money during your marriage.
Money can be a key area for marital conflict,
and you may prevent some of it with advance
planning.
So, here’s what there is to remember…you
are preparing for a wonderful wedding day,
an event that marks your transition into marriage,
something you want to last a lifetime. Preparing
for the marriage is a great investment of
time in your future.
Alexander is a marriage educator with her
husband Craig A. Farnsworth. They are authors
of “Marriage Can Be Forever—Preparation
Counts!” and “Pure Gold: Encouraging
Character Qualities in Marriage.”
Susanne@marriagetransformation.com
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